Gotta Have Faith

The last seven months have been rocky at times.  My faith has been tested and wavered at times.  I know that I should pray more.  Sometimes I just get so wrapped up in what is happening that I just forget, then later I think that it would of been best to pray at that time.  We have dealt with health issues, accidents, school issues, and medical bills.  As soon as something appears to slow down, wham!  We get hit again.  Sometimes I am at a loss for words and just do not know what to pray.  I need to get back to the basics, but life is so overwhelming at times that I seem to get blinded.  God has a reason for everything.  What we see is the underside of the tapestry of life, but when it is finished and turned over a beautiful picture emerges.  So I gotta faith that all is as it should be and that God is in control. 

At the current time I am the one having health issues.  I will be the first one to tell you that I do not like to take medicine.  I will take it if it is needed.  Unlike my mom, I will go to the doctor if things are not right.  I've been puny for two weeks now.  I basically got three diagnoses within eight days- of course each one seems to trump the next.  For the last diagnosis, I will be seeing a specialist this coming week.  I hope that it does not led to any more diagnoses.  I am pretty sure that I will most likely have to have surgery.  I am a bit apprehensive, but it will be whatever it will be.  I know that God is with me every step of the way, even though at times it does not seem so to me.  I am finding that I do not like the "hurry up and do this", then "oh, we need to wait" mentality of the medical field.   I am also discovering that I have to be my own advocate, trying to make sure that the upcoming appointment has all of the information they need from my primary doctor's office.

I have that "You have two choices either laugh or cry" attitude.  I have had a few tears, but mainly laughter.  So when someone backed into my parked car on Thursday morning with a SUV.  I just started laughing hysterically.  I know that it was a complete accident and the other person felt horrible about it.  But in light of everything else going on, it seems small peas.   

Music calms me when I feel lost and overwhelmed.  This morning "We Believe" by Newsboys was on the radio and it was calming balm.  "We believe in God the Father!  We believe in Jesus Christ!  We believe in the Holy Spirit!  And He's given us new life!  We believe in the crucification!  We believe that He conquered death!  We believe in the resurrection!  And He's coming back again!"  Another song that I have been listening to is "Worn" by Tenth Avenue North.  "I'm Tired.  I'm worn.  My heart is heavy.  From the work it takes.  To keep on breathing.  I've made mistakes.  I've let my hope fail.  My soul feels crushed.  By the weight of this world.  And I know that You can give me rest.  So I cry out with all that I have left.  Let me see redemption win.  Let me know the struggle ends."

To err is human and we are all human.  No person is without sin and in my opinion it takes a strong person to admit their failings.  So I trudge on and hopefully become stronger in faith as the days go on.  I appreciate the friends and family that are praying for me.  Hopefully in the next few weeks things will slow down and I will return to my normal self.  I know that I have fallen behind writing on this little old blog, but I have honestly not known what to say or what I should I write.  Life has definitely been overwhelming and I have not wanted to spend all of my blog time complaining.  I would prefer to highlight joys and fun and nature.  Until next time. . . . I bid you adieu.

Roller Coaster Of Life

The past seven days have felt like a roller coaster with its ups and downs. 

Monday was Memorial Day.  I found out in the morning that a dear man from my little country church had past away.  He was 96 years old and was an amazing person.  It is truly a blessing to have known him.  In the afternoon we decorated graves.  The first cemetery we decorated four graves from my husband's family.  The second cemetery we decorated my mom and maternal grandpa's graves.  We dropped the kids off before the next cemetery.  Then head to my paternal grandma's to get the flowers, by the time we got to the third cemetery we had to turn around and leave.  The wind started blowing, branches were flying by, and the rain coming down so hard you could barely see.  We drove back to our house to take cover in the basement.  When we came back up to get the kids one of trees in the front yard that was damaged during the ice storm of 2006 had limbed just peeled off it.  It looked like string cheese.

Tuesday, I finished decorating the graves of my paternal grandpa and uncle at the third cemetery.  We had a delicious family dinner at my maternal grandma's house.  Then everyone went outside to help pick up sticks from the storm the day before.

Wednesday was a ROUGH day at work.  Enough said there.

Thursday afternoon was the visitation, funeral, and grave side services of the gentleman that I had gone to church with.  I arranged to be off work for several hours so I could attend.  The funeral message was wonderful and encompassed the Christian example that he lead his life by.  The songs were perfect, two of his favorite: Amazing Grace and In the Garden.  I will always associate In the Garden with him.  He was the Sunday school superintendent and would lead us in reciting Psalm 19:14 (Let the words of my mouth, and the mediation of my heart, be acceptable in your sight, Oh Lord, my strength, and my redeemer)  before we left the church for the day.  He would go out of his way to help others and was like an extra grandparent to me.  On Sundays, him and his wife would give me quarters to do with laundry while I was in college.  Sometimes they would send little treats with me, like a loaf of homemade bread or a jar of homemade jelly.  I was able to hug his wife, but was saddened to discover that this kind grandmotherly lady has dementia. 

Friday went fairly well until the evening.  During the day, I caught these little guys just outside the building at work.

In the evening we were in for some storms, so we kept an eye on the local weather station and the pending storms. The tornado sirens went off shortly after 10:00 p.m., so we took sleeping Pumpkin and Princess to the bathroom in the basement.  We placed a blanket on the floor and laid them down on it.  The lights flickered a few times here and there.  Eventually we heard the all clear from the sirens.    Since we were unsure if there would be any additional sirens, we placed the kids in their sleeping bags on our bedroom floor and left the hall light on so we could get moving faster if necessary.  As we monitored the local weather station reports were coming in from the area we live in.  We heard our street mentioned as being a war zone.  We looked out our windows and had no trees down and no visible damage from inside the house.  I finally got the internet up and heard about all sorts of storm damage.  The major street that we just live off of was closed, many were trees down, reports of a trampoline in a tree, someone said that they had heard the whistle of a tornado near the cemetery just south of our house.

Saturday morning just after midnight we received an automated phone call from the local police department telling residents to not leave their houses due to downed trees and downed power lines.  If there was an emergency call 911, but do not leave your house.  Okay, that sort of scared me more than the facebook reports.  I only got about three hours sleep worrying about family members and friends in the area.  At five in the morning, I got dress and walked around our house.  Thankfully we did not sustain any damage at all.  By seven thirty I had talked to both grandmas and by eight I had talked with my dad.  I had thought about calling my pastor and his wife and assumed since my grandma that lives to the southwest of us and only two blocks from the church was fine that I didn't need to bother them.  We had signed up for a canoeing class, so we viewed some of the damage on the way to the class.  Massive trees were down, a box truck contorted and bend, small limbs and sticks littered the road ways, massive traffic of people gawking at the devastation.  

We got out the the nature center holding the class and we got to canoe as a family.  I think that the kids had fun.  Hubby did not have as much fun since he was in the front of the canoe and Pumpkin would not stay still and the canoe would rock from time to time.  I sacred Princess once with algae hanging off of my paddle.  She screamed and threw her paddle into the pond, so I had to retrieve it.  After we finished canoeing, I got a chance to take the kids around the pond to explore.  Princess liked the bullfrog that we found the best and Pumpkin liked paddling the best.  After our little adventure we went to the library to sign the kids up for the summer reading program.  Then on our way home, we drove through some of the storm damage to check on my paternal grandma's house.  The road just to the south of the cemetery looked like a war zone  (We live on the road just to the north of the same cemetery).  I hadn't seen anything that bad since the ice storm of 2006.  We were almost to my grandma's when we passed by the church and parsonage.  OMG . . . . . . . I think that I was in shock after that.  Trees just snapped off like toothpicks, debris everywhere, work crews in the area were using the parking lot as a staging area. 

Well,  the possible tornado (it has yet to be confirmed, but for the damage to have clear and long path it just has to be a tornado) started a half a block west of my church and the parsonage, went diagonal through the church property downing a lot of trees but minimal structural damage (windows, roof, awnings) (THANK YOU LORD!), then down the next street to the north about 5-6 city blocks before going diagonal through a section of houses, continued diagonal through the cemetery just south of our house (damaged the mausoleum, toppled trees), the ended across the street from the cemetery at two local businesses (one is pretty much totaled).  The closest it came to our house is about two city blocks to the south (approximately a 5 minutes walk from our house).  I was able to check the graves that we decorated and they were fine.  I also checked the grave of the gentleman that was buried on Thursday just east of the mausoleum, thankfully the dirt and flowers were still there.  I was so afraid that since the dirt had just been dug, that his casket could of gotten sucked out of the ground. 

Also on Saturday my sister's dad delivered a swing set frame.  It is the same swing set that my maternal grandparent got second hand when my mom was three years old, so the swing set is about 55 years old.  We had to go out and by some swings and it definitely needs a paint job.  But not too bad for the years that it has on it.  When I was a kid, it was painted green and yellow, so I hope that we can return it to those colors.  My most vivid memory of the swing was when my brother and I were playing on it in my grandparent's yard.  My brother was swinging and I had a hula hoop that he was swinging his legs into.  Somehow the hoop caught his legs and pulled him off the swing.  My sister's dad spanked me with his bare hands and my two top front teeth caught on his belt buckle.  They were not quite ready to come out but they were no longer in their normal position, so he had to pull both of the teeth out.  Gives me the willies just thinking about it. 

Sunday, grandma and I carpooled to church.  Besides water damage in the basement from the sump pumps not working because of the power outage, there was minimal damage to the building.  I saw some shingles on the ground and some of the awning was missing but not bad considering.  The church's pavilion needs some major work and the parsonage had some damage to the roof and a window blown out.  Thankfully none of the trees that fell or were shredded touch any of the buildings.  Most of the trees on the property were damaged on way or another.  But it is truly a blessing that pastor, his wife, the parsonage, and the church made it through the brunt of the storm.  Anyway, this afternoon we got the swings installed and the kids had fun swinging back and forth.

Well off to have some more adventures.  Hopefully this week will be much calmer.

### 6/3/13 Update: The National Weather Service has confirmed that it was an EF1 tornado with wind speeds up to 90 miles per hour. ###

All Things New

It has been a while since I wrote about a book that I have read, so I figure that it is about time.

I checked out Lynn Austin's lastest book from the local library: All Things New. Actually it was ordered in from another library and put on hold at my local library.  Funny thing is that the library that the book was ordered from is the library that I attended the ground breaking for when I was in grade school, just one block from the elementary school that I attended.  Small world!

Anyway,  All Things New is a fabulous book and I did not want to put it down once I started reading it.  I did have to tear myself away for a few days when hubby got a bit out of joint about having my nose in a book for so long, but definitely a great read. 

The book is a historical fiction novel set in 1865 during the ending months of the Civil War in the state of Virginia.  There are three featured heroines encompassed within the pages.  Josephine Weatherly, age 22, is the main heroine.  The two secondary heroines are Eugenia Weatherly (matriarch of the Weatherly family) and Lizzie (one of the few remaining servants).  After the war concludes and slavery is abolished the Weatherly family tries to pick up the pieces of their once grand plantation and struggles with learning to adapt to a new world with new rules.  With the death of Jo's father and eldest brother during the war the burden of the estate falls to the shoulders of the remaining brother.  The war of course has affected him so that he is more concerned with trying to regain what is lost than rebuilding what remains.  So it is up to Jo, Mary, and their mother to forge ahead.  The old customs and rules of high society hold Eugenia and Mary back, but Jo is willing to change and adapt which is necessary to survive.

One segment of this book that still sticks out in my mind is that Josephine is angry with God and just believes that he does not hear her prayers.  At one point she walks out of the church during Sunday service, goes to the grave yard and sits at the foot of her father and brother's graves in despair.  I can relate to that.  I too have sat at the foot of my mom and grandpa's graves when I have been upset and wondered "why? what was the purpose?  why so close together?  why was mom so young?" As Josephine sits there a concerned friend joins her.  He suggests that she reads the Book of Job.  Job was also angry with God and Job suffered much heartache and pain.  The book of Job shows that it is okay to be angry, that God has not forsaken us.  He does listen to prayers, but he works in his own time and his own ways.  In the end all that was taken from Job was restored, not to the original specifications but even grander and more wonderful.

This book is about learning to change, hoping to change, and growing by change.  Once you have a suffered a great loss, a great trauma- you can never go back to the way things were.  You have to learn to adapt, to change, to become stronger, better, braver.  Even when it seems like the sun will never shine again, we must have hope and faith that God has a plan and that we will once again see the glorious sunshine.  

Once again, it is WELL past my bed time.  I have a full day of preparations tomorrow to get ready for a garage sale this weekend, so I must be off to bed to recharge my batteries.  I hope that everyone has a great rest of the week and a lovely weekend!

So Shines The Night

 

I am super excited to be traveling with Tracy's Caravan!  

So what is Tracy's Caravan?  Well, members of Tracy's Caravan connect through Facebook and have a common interest of enjoying the books written by historical fiction author Tracy Higley.  Tracy is an amazing and down-to-earth author.  It is a honor to be part of her Blog Tour to celebrate the release of her newest book on March 12, 2013. . . So Shines The Night!

I had the opportunity to ask Tracy three questions.  Oh, this is so exciting!!!!

Question #1:  Your books remind me of a time machine, whereas the readers are transported into the pages.  How do you make the stories seem so real and life like? 

"Thank you so much for saying that! It is exactly what I aspire to, so you’ve made my day! I don’t have a simple answer, except to say that there’s nothing in the world I’d like more than a time machine, so it’s definitely a priority. One thing that I do before I sit down to write a scene is to take some time walking around in it in my head, trying to really experience the sensory of the scene – the sounds, smells, tastes, textures, colors, temperature, and spatial details. If I don’t do that exercise, often those things don’t make it to the page. But when I do, I believe it helps bring the scene to life."

Question #2:  How has your writing, research, and travels affected your spiritual life? 

"Great question. All of it has definitely given me a larger sense of the world and what God is doing in it, both now and through the past. It’s made me realize, as I’ve studied God’s work in the nations throughout history, that He has always been calling all people to Himself, and that He still is. It’s also given me a desire to see the kind of Christianity that was born in the fires of Roman persecution become part of our experience now – a living, breathing faith that radically transforms our lives."

Question #3:  What character has been your favorite through your writing journeys over the years and why? 

"Sophia, from Guardian of the Flame. She is the most like me, and ironically probably the character many of my readers have liked the least.  She is withdrawn and isolated, and doesn’t feel herself worthy of interaction with people and although it’s probably more honesty than you asked for, I will say that I struggle with this idea often. She learns that she is loved and accepted by God first, and that God’s love makes all other relationships possible. It’s a lesson many of my characters are often learning, and it comes from a deep place within me. " 

(I just have to say that Sophia is also my favorite character from all of Tracy's books, too.  Pretty cool!)

What does Tracy have to say about her newest book?  Let's listen to this video filmed on location in Ephesus . . . 

Here is a fun question for you.  Where's the Book?

 
As part of the Blog Tour, I had the opportunity to get an advanced copy of So Shines the Night.  So without further adieu, here are my thoughts on Tracy's newest book.
 

I had a hard time putting the book down and was able to read this book in about twenty four hours, which is fast for me.  I would categorize it as a story within a story.  None of the other Tracy Higley books that I have read have had this particular aspect.   

The prologue threw me off a bit just because it was not quite what I expected from reading previous books.  Chapter one drug me back in and held me until the epilogue (which was amazing by the way).  The prologue and epilogue are of a storyteller in first person telling a story that occurred many years before.  The chapters in between is just one of the many stories pertaining to early Christianity.  

The two major characters are Daria and Lucas.  Both have experienced major hardships in life.  Both are lost in some way.  Both seek knowledge.  And both seek truth.  The year is 57 A.D. and a majority of the story occurs in Ephesus, an ancient Greek city located in present-day Turkey.  Daria is a widowed scholar, her work is that of a tutor, and speaks many language a rarity in those days for a woman.  Lucas is a wealthy merchant caught up in the emotions of being a widower.  He strives to right that which he believes was the cause of the untimely death.   

Now I don't believe in giving the story away, you will have to read it for yourself.  The story does portray the darkness in the early days of Christianity with Greek gods and sorcerers.  It is just one story of how faith in our One God overcame the darkness of those day and includes apostle Paul (for biblical reference, Acts 19).  To me the basis of this particular story is learning to trust, finding courage to stand up for what is right, and opening your heart to the truth.  Death can build or break the person left behind, it can strengthen your faith or turn you from God.  But for those who prevail, they become stronger, wiser, and happiness will return.  This fact (which I myself have experienced) is found in this story.

There is a mixture of both fact and fiction.  I love how Tracy really researches the archaeological and biblical aspects of her literature and travels to the location of the story to make the characters seem so real and believable.  

 As with any story, interpretation is up the reader.  I have seen mixed reviews on whether the actions of Paul are depicted correctly.  Well, two people can read the same passage of scripture and glean totally different things from it.  I do enjoy reading the Bible but at times it can be just as confusing to me as the works of Shakespeare, because we live in a different time and a different era than when words were written.  I have actually enjoyed discovering Tracy's views on apostle Paul.

Overall, I would recommend this book to all of my friends.  A big thank you to Tracy for another wonderful book and I look forward to reading the next one! 

Please follow this link to be entered into a $50 gift card drawing:  http://tracyhigley.com/enter-to-win/

Thank you for stopping by and don't forget to read a copy of Tracy Higley's newest book So Shines the Night!  

Thinking

Sometimes thinking is good and sometimes thinking is not so good.

#1:  I am still working on losing a few pounds.  I have been reading a chapter a night of the book Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food by Lysa TerKeurst to help motivate me.  So far I've been taken with the passage Matthew 19:16-30 from the introduction.

  

Someone came to Jesus with this question: “Teacher, what good deed must I do to 

have eternal life?”

“Why ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. But 

to answer your question—if you want to receive eternal life, keep the commandments.”

“Which ones?” the man asked.

            And Jesus replied: “‘You must not murder. You must not commit adultery. You must not 

            steal. You must not testify falsely. Honor your father and mother. Love your neighbor as 

            yourself.’”

“I’ve obeyed all these commandments,” the young man replied. “What else must I do?”

Jesus told him, “If you want to be perfect, go and sell all your possessions and give the 

money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

But when the young man heard this, he went away sad, for he had many possessions.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “I tell you the truth, it is very hard for a rich person to 

enter the Kingdom of Heaven.  I’ll say it again—it is easier for a camel to go through the 

eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!”

The disciples were astounded. “Then who in the world can be saved?” they asked.

Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with 

God everything is possible.”

Then Peter said to him, “We’ve given up everything to follow you. What will we get?”

Jesus replied, “I assure you that when the world is made new and the Son of Man sits 

upon his glorious throne, you who have been my followers will also sit on twelve thrones, 

judging the twelve tribes of Israel.  And everyone who has given up houses or brothers 

or sisters or father or mother or children or property, for my sake, will receive a hundred 

times as much in return and will inherit eternal life. But many who are the greatest now 

will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the 

greatest then.”

It didn't make too much sense reading it at first, so I googled for a devotional on the verses and then it made much more sense to me in the context of the book.  Food can be a crutch, it can be our riches that we do not want to give up.  With each chapter that I maneuver, I see how faith in God can help with the motivation and endurance needed to make real change in my eating habits (or at times reasons behind the eating habitats like stress, grief, boredom, etc...).  I have a long way to go, but hopefully one of these days I will reach my healthier goal that I set back in November.

#2:  I've been thinking a lot about mom lately.  Somedays are better than others, then some days are still rough at times.  I know that I still have yet to heal and that it will take a long time.  It is not like you can just throw a switch and everything will be alright again.  Sometimes I wonder about what mom would think about the kids.  Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to ask mom's advice about something.  Sometimes I wonder why she did not go to the doctor sooner.  Sometimes I just wonder what life would be like if she was still here.  Sometimes my thoughts are happy and sometimes my thoughts bring tears.  

#3:  When I think about mom, then I worry about dad and what will happen when his day comes.  He is my only parent left and I know that he will lose his battle to cancer too.  I know that that day will come sooner than I like.  I wish that there was a cure for his cancer.  I so wish that cancer just did not exist.  I need to try to get across town more often to visit him.  Sometimes it is hard though to get over there without the kids and they have a tendency to make his anxiety levels go sky high.  I hope that he is around long enough to teach the kids some cool grandpa things. . . like fishing, playing the guitar, cooking a pizza on the grill, making tomato burgers, and the Super Chicken song.

#4:  I'm so exhausted from thinking at times that I just don't want to think.  I just want to zone out . . . lose myself in a book . . . lose myself in a movie. I get tired of feeling responsible for myself, my kids, my hubby, my grandma A, my grandma R, my dad, and sometimes even my baby sister.  No wonder I zone out and stuff my face with food at times.  

#5:  I think I need to probably get off the computer now and find something to clean in this disaster of a house.   The chaos seems to multiple, have babies, then spreads through the whole house.  I probably could clean for weeks and still not catch up.  Hmmmm. . . guess I need to focus and get something accomplished.  I got it, I'll make slips of paper with different rooms in the house of where I should start, draw a slip, and then . . . go to sleep.  Tomorrow is another day and I can start cleaning then.

Three Years

Saying three years really does not seem that long until you figure out that it adds up to 1,096 days or 26,298 hours.  Whoa!  Three years can be a long time at the start, but at the completion you wonder where time flew.  I am glad that the three years are over, but it has been a blessing too.  So what in the world am I talking about?

Well, I guess I should start at the beginning.  I have been raised off and on in the United Methodist Church.  Growing up I would attend church with my grandparents both during the two phases of my life that I lived with them and when I would have overnights at their house growing up.  When mom married husband number two, we moved out to the country and started going to a United Methodist church in the neighboring town where we attend school.  When my half sister was born we became occasionally members going from time to time, then it got to the point of not much at all.  In high school, one of my neighbors invited me to ride with her and her mom to an even closer United Methodist Church- my beloved country church. 

This church, in my heart and soul, will always be my home church.  It had no parking lot, it had no phone, and it had no mailing address.  I attend church there for twelve years and I was married in that church.  I loved the members; they were like extra sets of grandparents to me.  My Sunday school teacher was my rock when the going got tough.  This church was my foundation when at times I felt like my foundation was crumbling.  My beloved country church closed on June 30, 2006.  We only numbered sixteen members that last year.  There are no words to describe that last service as I carried the flame out of the church that day.  I was truly heart broken, although I was glad that my Sunday school teacher did not live to see that day.  I know that a church is not the building it is the people, but it was the last time we would all be together as a congregation.  Everyone spread to different congregations throughout the area.  Three of the sixteen have been buried since then.

Since my church closed we have attended a United Methodist church not far from our home, my grandparent’s church.  Those first three services were the roughest.  I was still heart broken over the loss of my church that I cried through those first few services.  It probably did not help that I was pregnant with Pumpkin at the time.  I really did not want to give another church a chance, I wanted my church back.  Change can be hard.  None of us are ready for change, but it can be good for us too.  Out of something we deem as bad God can create something wonderful, something life changing if we let Him.

So were does the three years come in?  Well hold your horses, I’m getting there.  In August or September 2009, I received a phone call from the church's nominations committee.  The voice on the other end of the line said that they would like for me to serve as a chairperson of one of the committees.  He thought I would be a good fit as the education chairperson or the pastor parish relations committee (pprc) chairperson.  Well I thought to myself, “I haven’t been very active in this church yet, so why not.”  I thought that I had picked the wiser move by saying I would rather be the pprc chairman over the education chairman.  I had served on the pprc at my country church, so I felt confidant that I knew what I was getting myself into.  Hahahaha.  Famous last words!  The voice on the other end of the phone said that it was a three year chairmanship and I would also need to attend the church council meetings too starting January 1, 2010.  I got off the phone thinking I can do this.  Hubby on the other hand was not too pleased with my decision and three year commitment.  But, I definitely think he his happy now that my three years are up.

You know sometimes God has plans for you that you can NEVER imagine.  I do believe that God had a reason for getting me into the mess I ended up being in.  And believe me it was a very rocky road at the beginning.  After I was announced as the chairperson at the fall charge conference, I had people coming up to me telling me that there was no way I could do the job, I wasn’t fit for it, I would never last, I was too young.  Then our pastor at the time had to leave, so a retired pastor was temporarily assigned by the conference until a replacement could be found.  Anyway, my three year term started a touch early.  The conference introduced us to a new pastor and his wife on one of the last evenings of December at a meeting just for the pprc.  I took one look at him and thought to myself, “We are getting Santa Clause for a pastor!”  He was assigned to start on February 1st.

Oh . . . . I could definitely tell when my chairmanship started.  I received at least two phone calls promptly on January 1st from the two most influential members of the church telling me what they thought I should know.  I had to learn fast how to juggle their different personalities of “chicken little” (the sky is falling) and “queen” (all must follow what I say) as they played tug and war back and forth.  You see I have a different perspective than most.  I believe that there are two sides to ever story.  So just what you see on the surface, may not really be what is true.  Of course when I had discussions with both, I would always check my facts before I acted instead of jumping right in.  “Chicken little” was my most daunting obstacle and I learned very quickly to check my caller id and that it was best to respond to an answering machine messages than a live call.  I was even once ambushed at daycare by “chicken little” on a mission.  (Please note: I do have quite a bit of respect for both of these members and they are both an essential part of our church, so I mean no disrespect for the descriptive names.  Both are really wonderful in their own right, both have worked to build up the church, both have done so much for the church, and both remind me of my dear Sunday School teacher.)

Now I did do a lot of good while chairperson of the pprc.  We had to find and reestablish the church’s misplaced mission statement.  We got a personnel policy written.  We got a sexual harassment policy written (as required by the conference).  We wrote a job description for the secretary.  We wrote a job description for the custodian.  We wrote a job description for the grounds keeper.  So I was a good choice to get the committee up to par in the respect of required paperwork.

So where does God come in?  Well I think the chairmanship was God’s way of helping me and supporting me and my family.  Pastor and his wife arrived on February 1st.  Within days Princess turned 1 and Pumpkin turned 3.  I organized both a welcome to the church potluck for the pastor on a Saturday with the kids’ birthday party on the following day.  On February 8th our world seemed to stop spinning at least for a while.  On that day we got the news that mom was terminal with stage four brain and lung cancer.  What a way to break our new pastor in!  He was great.  His wife was great.  It has been a blessing in disguise to be working with them for three years.   He said A LOT of prayers.

After pastor’s arrival in 2010: Pumpkin had his first ear tube surgery, we lost grandpa, we lost mom, my dad’s cancer returned, and my work load at work doubled with responsibility and stress.  In 2011, things evened out a touch but we had to hurdle a lot of firsts without mom and grandpa.  In 2012, we spent a lot of time at the hospital between two seriously ill family members, Pumpkin had his second surgery, and once again my work load at work increased as well as the stress.  Pastor and his wife have been a miracle in disguise.  They have been supportive.  They have been faithful.  They have given of their time and energy.  And they truly care about those in their church family.  They gave us strength when we had none.  They gave prayers to lift us up.

Over the past three years, I have become closer to God than I had in recent years.  I really felt connected during my years at my small country church and through my earlier years of college.  Once my Sunday School teacher past, I began to lose my way again.  Faith can be like a current, sometimes we remain close to our belief and other times we seem to drift away for a while but in the end we are pulled back by the one who loves us, God.  The more involved I seem to get with my church, the stronger my faith seems to grow too.  Although, I do miss having a church buddy, to check in with, to ask questions of, to get support from.

Anyway, I think that the tough times in life are sometimes there to remind us that we are not alone.  To remind us that God loves us.  For how can we enjoy the good, if we have not experienced the bad?  I am not saying that God created the bad, but he gives us the opportunity to choose how we will react to the curves that life throws us.  We have the choice to allow the bad to make us stronger or to allow the bad to destroy us.

I guess that I have rambled on enough.  I will close with the verse that has helped me so much over the past few years. 

Oh, how great are God's riches and wisdom and knowledge!
How impossible it is for us to understand his decision and his way!
~ Romans 11:33 ~

Best Year Of Your Life

Back in the spring I was listening to The Morning Show Tim & Pam on WBGL.  I enjoy listening to their banter in the morning and find it amazing that Christians from all over the world are listening in.  Anyway they were talking about a European study that had recently come out.  The gist of the study was that people felt the happiest and most content at the age of thirty-three.  This study actually upset me quite a bit and there were times over the next few days when it was discussed that it was tempted to turn the show off.

I do understand why in most peoples’ lives this might be true.  Most people in their early thirties have figured out what they are doing with their life.  Most people in their thirties have found a significant other and are enjoying their children.  Most people in their thirties have managed to pay off their college loans.  Most people in their thirties have matured enough to enjoy life.

To me age thirty-three was one of the worst years of my life.  On my thirty-third birthday, I took my then 18 month old daughter and 3-1/2 year old son to the funeral home to say goodbye to my mom, their grandma.  She past a few days before my birthday from stage four brain & lung cancer and was buried the day after my birthday.  Losing a parent tears you up.  I had trying to take care my young children, husband, maternal grandma, sister, and dad as a distraction during my thirty-third year. 

I remember not crying at the funeral, which I think horrified my brother.  But, I had learned over the years that if I cried in front of grandma or my sister when the going got tough that they would also break down in tears.   So years ago, I taught myself to not cry in front of them because I felt like the glue that kept us together. 

Don’t get me wrong, I cried and cried the day my mom died.  Grandma and I were the only ones at grandma house when mom died and I was the one that had discovered that she quit breathing.  It was me that tried to find a pulse.  It was me that called the hospice nurse, our pastor, my husband, my brother, and others.  I cried when pastor recited the 23rd Psalms over mom’s body.  I was also the one that told my step-dad and my sister when they walked into the house to see mom, only find out that they were too late.  It was like déjà vu since we had just buried my maternal grandpa the month before.  So we once again went through the motions at the funeral home and cemetery. 

That first month just feels like a horrible dream and the world seems to just zoom by while you are stuck in place and can’t move.  But of course you have to move, you have to go on with life.  You can’t hole yourself up for ever.  The hardest part of that first year with my mom’s death was holidays, mom’s birthday a few months later, and my kids birthdays were the worst.  Many things helped me through. . . . my hubby, my kids, a few good friends, my faith, and reading. 

Faith-wise I believe: 1) That God does not give us more than we can handle and what he does give us makes us stronger, 2) That God has a reason for everything even if we cannot see it and even the bad can become something good in the end, and 3) That God is walking with us every step of the way even if we lose faith in Him.  The verse that helped me the most was “Oh, how great are God's riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decision and his way!” ~ Romans 11:33 (NLT)

Book-wise:  The fictional book that helped me the most is called The Good Nearby by NancyMoser.  I found this book at the local library and hope that someday I can add it to my home library.  It illustrates how God can use things we would think are bad and undesirable to bring out the good in way we may never expect.  It also illustrates how over lives are so interconnected even with those that we deem as strangers.  I recommend this book to anyone going through a rough patch in life or anyone that needs a faith pick-me-up. 

Anyway, a few months after my mom’s death I had manage to maintain a new normal in my life.  I was trying to loose some of the pounds I gained during the eight months my mom was sick.  I am a stress-eater and so I had gained a bit of weight.    

A few weeks after my mom died a friend emailed me that her five year old daughter had leukemia.  She was diagnosis the day that we learned that my mom had about two weeks to live.  I had known this little girl since she was two and it broke my heart again.  This precious little one that is dear to my heart was sick, but that is the thing with cancer it does not care about age, race, or whether you are good or bad person.  Thankfully that wonderful inspiring little girl is in remission and is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with regards to treatments.  Yay to her and her strong enduring family!

So three months after my mom died, between Christmas and New Year’s, we were learned that my dad’s multiple myeloma had returned.  Well within a week, I had gained back all that I had lost, after all I had lost my mom three months before and was now faced with losing my dad too.  Anyway, multiple myeloma is a type of bone cancer.  It can cause brittle bones.  There is no permanent cure for it, only maintenance treatments that can temporarily put it into remission or can slow the progress of the cancer.  This past April dad had his second bone marrow transplant and his doctor said that it is in remission for now.  As of right now it is rare to have third bone marrow transplants for his type of cancer.   The thing with multiple myeloma is that it weakens the body and makes it more susceptible to other cancers, so if the multiple myeloma does not get him another cancer will.  The last bone marrow transplant bought him five years, so we will see how long the current one holds.  Oh, and I have yet to lose the weight and have even gained more pounds through dad’s and my paternal grandma’s many hospitalizations earlier this year.

Anyway, I felt like I lost a year, my thirty-third year.  I could not remember how old I was or sometimes how old my kids were.  I would sometime walk into a room and forget why I was there or what I was doing.  I am finally two years later remembering how old I am and I am doing better remembering things.  So I guess to wrap it up my thirty-third year was not the best year of my life.  But life is what you make of it, so we will keep our chins up and trudge on the best we can with what we have.

Save The Date

Two weekends ago I finished reading a book from the local library.  Once again I just browsed the aisles for something that jumped out at me.  This time I decided to walk down the letter "J" aisle.  The book I found as Save the Date by Jenny B. Jones.  It sure was fitting for this time of the year, because one of the characters is a gentleman running for a seat in Congress.  

I really enjoyed reading this book.  The main female character is Lucy.  She runs a non-profit women's home for young women that have graduated from the foster system but still need a bit of help before they step out on their own.  The book starts out with Lucy getting ready to have dinner with the love of her life and she has very high expectations.  Then the story jumps to two years later.  Lucy is on her own and on a mission to save her beloved women's home from ruin.  After funding for her non-profit is pulled she makes an attempt to storm the castle during a gala to get answers to why.  She is intercepted by a former professional football star, son of the funding company's CEO, and potential congressman Alex. 

Alex's numbers are down in the race for Congress, but after some pictures appear from the gala event with Lucy his numbers start to rise.  Thus a plan is hatched, to increase his likability to the public Alex's campaign managers suggest that he needs a women by his side.  Lucy on the other hand needs funding to save her women's home.  So the two strike a deal for a fake engagement until after the congressional seat was won.  So what will really happen?  How will the story end?

I had quite a few laughs and there are a few unexpected turns along the way.  How can the daughter of a maid fit into high class society?  How can a self-centered jock portray a sensitive side to the public?  

This story also has a spiritual side too.  One of the supporting characters is a youth minister and there is an amazing few paragraphs featuring a sermon.  The sermon is about giving our worries, our weaknesses, our flaws to God because no matter what we are perfect to him.  We are worth of him and his love.  Always a nice reminder.  

Another spiritual aspect is that everything is in God's time not our time.  We may think that our life is crap and that nothing can go right, but He does have a reason and purpose.  He makes us stronger, wiser, and He does answer prayers (although it may not always be the answer we expect).  

Here are some verses on God's timing: 

 ~ "But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day." 2 Peter 3:8

~ "There is a time for everything,  

and a season for every activity under the heavens:  

a time to be born and a time to die,  

a time to plant and a time to uproot, 

a time to kill and a time to heal,  

a time to tear down and a time to build,  

a time to weep and a time to laugh,  

a time to mourn and a time to dance,  

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,  

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,  

a time to search and a time to give up,  

a time to keep and a time to throw away,  

a time to tear and a time to mend,  

a time to be silent and a time to speak,  

a time to love and a time to hate,  

a time for war and a time for peace." 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8