The last seven months have been rocky at times. My faith has been tested and wavered at times. I know that I should pray more. Sometimes I just get so wrapped up in what is happening that I just forget, then later I think that it would of been best to pray at that time. We have dealt with health issues, accidents, school issues, and medical bills. As soon as something appears to slow down, wham! We get hit again. Sometimes I am at a loss for words and just do not know what to pray. I need to get back to the basics, but life is so overwhelming at times that I seem to get blinded. God has a reason for everything. What we see is the underside of the tapestry of life, but when it is finished and turned over a beautiful picture emerges. So I gotta faith that all is as it should be and that God is in control.
At the current time I am the one having health issues. I will be the first one to tell you that I do not like to take medicine. I will take it if it is needed. Unlike my mom, I will go to the doctor if things are not right. I've been puny for two weeks now. I basically got three diagnoses within eight days- of course each one seems to trump the next. For the last diagnosis, I will be seeing a specialist this coming week. I hope that it does not led to any more diagnoses. I am pretty sure that I will most likely have to have surgery. I am a bit apprehensive, but it will be whatever it will be. I know that God is with me every step of the way, even though at times it does not seem so to me. I am finding that I do not like the "hurry up and do this", then "oh, we need to wait" mentality of the medical field. I am also discovering that I have to be my own advocate, trying to make sure that the upcoming appointment has all of the information they need from my primary doctor's office.
I have that "You have two choices either laugh or cry" attitude. I have had a few tears, but mainly laughter. So when someone backed into my parked car on Thursday morning with a SUV. I just started laughing hysterically. I know that it was a complete accident and the other person felt horrible about it. But in light of everything else going on, it seems small peas.
Music calms me when I feel lost and overwhelmed. This morning "We Believe" by Newsboys was on the radio and it was calming balm. "We believe in God the Father! We believe in Jesus Christ! We believe in the Holy Spirit! And He's given us new life! We believe in the crucification! We believe that He conquered death! We believe in the resurrection! And He's coming back again!" Another song that I have been listening to is "Worn" by Tenth Avenue North. "I'm Tired. I'm worn. My heart is heavy. From the work it takes. To keep on breathing. I've made mistakes. I've let my hope fail. My soul feels crushed. By the weight of this world. And I know that You can give me rest. So I cry out with all that I have left. Let me see redemption win. Let me know the struggle ends."
To err is human and we are all human. No person is without sin and in my opinion it takes a strong person to admit their failings. So I trudge on and hopefully become stronger in faith as the days go on. I appreciate the friends and family that are praying for me. Hopefully in the next few weeks things will slow down and I will return to my normal self. I know that I have fallen behind writing on this little old blog, but I have honestly not known what to say or what I should I write. Life has definitely been overwhelming and I have not wanted to spend all of my blog time complaining. I would prefer to highlight joys and fun and nature. Until next time. . . . I bid you adieu.
Thoughts & reflections of a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, & a friend
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Topsy Turvy
It has been a rough fall. In more ways than one.
The house is in need of deep cleaning and organization. I am actually embarrassed to have company stop by. I just do not know where to start. Stuff just piles up, then it has babies and more babies until it is an uncontrollable mess. I still have some areas that I have yet to touch. I am not sure if it is that I am afraid to find something that I do not want to deal with (some stuff has been sitting around since before mom died, waiting for me to come back to it) or if I wonder what really is the point since it will be a mess once again in such a short time. I was utilizing the e-book "31 Days To Clean" by Sarah Mae, but I did not make it quite past the first week. I did a big flop trying to keep up with the kitchen cleaning schedule, being a working mom, and managing the kiddos in the evenings. I guess I need to try it again, but at a slower pace. I did come up with the following cleaning mission statement that I have on the wall in the bedroom.
To me they are pretty lofty goals, which honestly would be easier to achieve if I did not work outside the home. So, I will slow plug away at achieving what right now seems the impossible. I did stumble across the website Women Living Well this evening and they will be having a five week challenge: Making Your Home a Haven. I am going to try the challenge and see if it helps to inspire me to be more diligent about the cleaning and organization of my home.
Pumpkin is having a lot of discipline problems at school this year. First grade is really rough. I had the honor of meeting with his teacher and the principal last night pertaining to his behavior at school. He has yet to reach the same maturity level as his peers and his social skills are lacking at times which is leading to some serious problems. He also has it stuck in his head that he is a bad boy, so he thinks he needs to act like a bad boy and that nothing that he does is right. I have a whole list of things that were suggested to work on, but no ideas on how to actually accomplish the tasks at hand. I walked away more frustrated and feeling more like a failure as a parent than before I attended the meeting.
It was suggested to give him a few more weeks until the mid-term arrives, then the school will probably recommend that we visit the pediatrician about his behavior. We took him to the pediatrician last fall and his behavior problems then were a combination of an ear infection and lack of maturity that equaled his peers. Our pediatrician said he was a typical boy and he would mature in his own time.
I just do not know what to think or what to do. We have been praying every night with him about school and I have been praying with him in the mornings too. Yesterday morning Pumpkin told me that my prayers were not working. I replied "You can pray that your room will be clean, but if you do not try it will not get clean. It is the same with school, you can pray to have a good day and make good choices, but you have to try if you want things to get better." He is a good, smart, loving kid and it is so hard to see him struggling with school this year.
Well it sure is late and I have to be at work early, so I best be shutting everything down for the evening.
The house is in need of deep cleaning and organization. I am actually embarrassed to have company stop by. I just do not know where to start. Stuff just piles up, then it has babies and more babies until it is an uncontrollable mess. I still have some areas that I have yet to touch. I am not sure if it is that I am afraid to find something that I do not want to deal with (some stuff has been sitting around since before mom died, waiting for me to come back to it) or if I wonder what really is the point since it will be a mess once again in such a short time. I was utilizing the e-book "31 Days To Clean" by Sarah Mae, but I did not make it quite past the first week. I did a big flop trying to keep up with the kitchen cleaning schedule, being a working mom, and managing the kiddos in the evenings. I guess I need to try it again, but at a slower pace. I did come up with the following cleaning mission statement that I have on the wall in the bedroom.
To me they are pretty lofty goals, which honestly would be easier to achieve if I did not work outside the home. So, I will slow plug away at achieving what right now seems the impossible. I did stumble across the website Women Living Well this evening and they will be having a five week challenge: Making Your Home a Haven. I am going to try the challenge and see if it helps to inspire me to be more diligent about the cleaning and organization of my home.
Pumpkin is having a lot of discipline problems at school this year. First grade is really rough. I had the honor of meeting with his teacher and the principal last night pertaining to his behavior at school. He has yet to reach the same maturity level as his peers and his social skills are lacking at times which is leading to some serious problems. He also has it stuck in his head that he is a bad boy, so he thinks he needs to act like a bad boy and that nothing that he does is right. I have a whole list of things that were suggested to work on, but no ideas on how to actually accomplish the tasks at hand. I walked away more frustrated and feeling more like a failure as a parent than before I attended the meeting.
It was suggested to give him a few more weeks until the mid-term arrives, then the school will probably recommend that we visit the pediatrician about his behavior. We took him to the pediatrician last fall and his behavior problems then were a combination of an ear infection and lack of maturity that equaled his peers. Our pediatrician said he was a typical boy and he would mature in his own time.
I just do not know what to think or what to do. We have been praying every night with him about school and I have been praying with him in the mornings too. Yesterday morning Pumpkin told me that my prayers were not working. I replied "You can pray that your room will be clean, but if you do not try it will not get clean. It is the same with school, you can pray to have a good day and make good choices, but you have to try if you want things to get better." He is a good, smart, loving kid and it is so hard to see him struggling with school this year.
Well it sure is late and I have to be at work early, so I best be shutting everything down for the evening.
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