What Does The Future Hold?

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.  Not sure what my thinking will produce, but I have been thinking none the less.  Sometimes it is about the mundane and other times it is about directional change.  

Anyway, Pumpkin will be starting the first grade in about a month.  We ran into a glitch in the last week with an adult influence suggesting that reading be used as a punishment to deter inappropriate behavior.  Definitely not an option in our books.  Hubby and I want our children to love reading and love books.  Unfortunately this was suggested in front of our son, so his current stance is that he hates books and hates reading (which breaks my heart).  We are working on trying to fix this glitch, hopefully before school starts, with positive re-enforcement.  The ladies at our local library suggested books on CD to entice his imagination, so I am thinking that we will try that tomorrow night as a treat during family dinner night.  I have a cousin that is a kindergarten teacher and she also offered some good suggestions to help us encourage Pumpkin in his reading endeavors.

Princess should be starting preschool in the fall, but we cannot afford to pay for it and take off work to transport her to and from for the half day programs in our area.  She is too smart for the one public preschool and it has a very limited number of students that it can accept.  Anyway, it is something that we are thinking about and reassessing.  She will definitely need to know how to write her letters and numbers within the next twelve months.  

Last night as I attempted to go to sleep (my brain was in full thinking mode), I tossed and turned, and tossed and turned.   Finally a verse popped into my head Jeremiah 29:11  

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, 

"plans to prosper you and not harm you, 

plans to give you hope and a future."  

Well glad to know that the Big Guy Upstairs knows what is going on, although it would be nice if He could clue me in sooner than later.  Guess I need to send up a few more prayers for direction and guidance.

Roller Coaster Of Life

The past seven days have felt like a roller coaster with its ups and downs. 

Monday was Memorial Day.  I found out in the morning that a dear man from my little country church had past away.  He was 96 years old and was an amazing person.  It is truly a blessing to have known him.  In the afternoon we decorated graves.  The first cemetery we decorated four graves from my husband's family.  The second cemetery we decorated my mom and maternal grandpa's graves.  We dropped the kids off before the next cemetery.  Then head to my paternal grandma's to get the flowers, by the time we got to the third cemetery we had to turn around and leave.  The wind started blowing, branches were flying by, and the rain coming down so hard you could barely see.  We drove back to our house to take cover in the basement.  When we came back up to get the kids one of trees in the front yard that was damaged during the ice storm of 2006 had limbed just peeled off it.  It looked like string cheese.

Tuesday, I finished decorating the graves of my paternal grandpa and uncle at the third cemetery.  We had a delicious family dinner at my maternal grandma's house.  Then everyone went outside to help pick up sticks from the storm the day before.

Wednesday was a ROUGH day at work.  Enough said there.

Thursday afternoon was the visitation, funeral, and grave side services of the gentleman that I had gone to church with.  I arranged to be off work for several hours so I could attend.  The funeral message was wonderful and encompassed the Christian example that he lead his life by.  The songs were perfect, two of his favorite: Amazing Grace and In the Garden.  I will always associate In the Garden with him.  He was the Sunday school superintendent and would lead us in reciting Psalm 19:14 (Let the words of my mouth, and the mediation of my heart, be acceptable in your sight, Oh Lord, my strength, and my redeemer)  before we left the church for the day.  He would go out of his way to help others and was like an extra grandparent to me.  On Sundays, him and his wife would give me quarters to do with laundry while I was in college.  Sometimes they would send little treats with me, like a loaf of homemade bread or a jar of homemade jelly.  I was able to hug his wife, but was saddened to discover that this kind grandmotherly lady has dementia. 

Friday went fairly well until the evening.  During the day, I caught these little guys just outside the building at work.

In the evening we were in for some storms, so we kept an eye on the local weather station and the pending storms. The tornado sirens went off shortly after 10:00 p.m., so we took sleeping Pumpkin and Princess to the bathroom in the basement.  We placed a blanket on the floor and laid them down on it.  The lights flickered a few times here and there.  Eventually we heard the all clear from the sirens.    Since we were unsure if there would be any additional sirens, we placed the kids in their sleeping bags on our bedroom floor and left the hall light on so we could get moving faster if necessary.  As we monitored the local weather station reports were coming in from the area we live in.  We heard our street mentioned as being a war zone.  We looked out our windows and had no trees down and no visible damage from inside the house.  I finally got the internet up and heard about all sorts of storm damage.  The major street that we just live off of was closed, many were trees down, reports of a trampoline in a tree, someone said that they had heard the whistle of a tornado near the cemetery just south of our house.

Saturday morning just after midnight we received an automated phone call from the local police department telling residents to not leave their houses due to downed trees and downed power lines.  If there was an emergency call 911, but do not leave your house.  Okay, that sort of scared me more than the facebook reports.  I only got about three hours sleep worrying about family members and friends in the area.  At five in the morning, I got dress and walked around our house.  Thankfully we did not sustain any damage at all.  By seven thirty I had talked to both grandmas and by eight I had talked with my dad.  I had thought about calling my pastor and his wife and assumed since my grandma that lives to the southwest of us and only two blocks from the church was fine that I didn't need to bother them.  We had signed up for a canoeing class, so we viewed some of the damage on the way to the class.  Massive trees were down, a box truck contorted and bend, small limbs and sticks littered the road ways, massive traffic of people gawking at the devastation.  

We got out the the nature center holding the class and we got to canoe as a family.  I think that the kids had fun.  Hubby did not have as much fun since he was in the front of the canoe and Pumpkin would not stay still and the canoe would rock from time to time.  I sacred Princess once with algae hanging off of my paddle.  She screamed and threw her paddle into the pond, so I had to retrieve it.  After we finished canoeing, I got a chance to take the kids around the pond to explore.  Princess liked the bullfrog that we found the best and Pumpkin liked paddling the best.  After our little adventure we went to the library to sign the kids up for the summer reading program.  Then on our way home, we drove through some of the storm damage to check on my paternal grandma's house.  The road just to the south of the cemetery looked like a war zone  (We live on the road just to the north of the same cemetery).  I hadn't seen anything that bad since the ice storm of 2006.  We were almost to my grandma's when we passed by the church and parsonage.  OMG . . . . . . . I think that I was in shock after that.  Trees just snapped off like toothpicks, debris everywhere, work crews in the area were using the parking lot as a staging area. 

Well,  the possible tornado (it has yet to be confirmed, but for the damage to have clear and long path it just has to be a tornado) started a half a block west of my church and the parsonage, went diagonal through the church property downing a lot of trees but minimal structural damage (windows, roof, awnings) (THANK YOU LORD!), then down the next street to the north about 5-6 city blocks before going diagonal through a section of houses, continued diagonal through the cemetery just south of our house (damaged the mausoleum, toppled trees), the ended across the street from the cemetery at two local businesses (one is pretty much totaled).  The closest it came to our house is about two city blocks to the south (approximately a 5 minutes walk from our house).  I was able to check the graves that we decorated and they were fine.  I also checked the grave of the gentleman that was buried on Thursday just east of the mausoleum, thankfully the dirt and flowers were still there.  I was so afraid that since the dirt had just been dug, that his casket could of gotten sucked out of the ground. 

Also on Saturday my sister's dad delivered a swing set frame.  It is the same swing set that my maternal grandparent got second hand when my mom was three years old, so the swing set is about 55 years old.  We had to go out and by some swings and it definitely needs a paint job.  But not too bad for the years that it has on it.  When I was a kid, it was painted green and yellow, so I hope that we can return it to those colors.  My most vivid memory of the swing was when my brother and I were playing on it in my grandparent's yard.  My brother was swinging and I had a hula hoop that he was swinging his legs into.  Somehow the hoop caught his legs and pulled him off the swing.  My sister's dad spanked me with his bare hands and my two top front teeth caught on his belt buckle.  They were not quite ready to come out but they were no longer in their normal position, so he had to pull both of the teeth out.  Gives me the willies just thinking about it. 

Sunday, grandma and I carpooled to church.  Besides water damage in the basement from the sump pumps not working because of the power outage, there was minimal damage to the building.  I saw some shingles on the ground and some of the awning was missing but not bad considering.  The church's pavilion needs some major work and the parsonage had some damage to the roof and a window blown out.  Thankfully none of the trees that fell or were shredded touch any of the buildings.  Most of the trees on the property were damaged on way or another.  But it is truly a blessing that pastor, his wife, the parsonage, and the church made it through the brunt of the storm.  Anyway, this afternoon we got the swings installed and the kids had fun swinging back and forth.

Well off to have some more adventures.  Hopefully this week will be much calmer.

### 6/3/13 Update: The National Weather Service has confirmed that it was an EF1 tornado with wind speeds up to 90 miles per hour. ###

Thinking

Sometimes thinking is good and sometimes thinking is not so good.

#1:  I am still working on losing a few pounds.  I have been reading a chapter a night of the book Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food by Lysa TerKeurst to help motivate me.  So far I've been taken with the passage Matthew 19:16-30 from the introduction.

  

Someone came to Jesus with this question: “Teacher, what good deed must I do to 

have eternal life?”

“Why ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. But 

to answer your question—if you want to receive eternal life, keep the commandments.”

“Which ones?” the man asked.

            And Jesus replied: “‘You must not murder. You must not commit adultery. You must not 

            steal. You must not testify falsely. Honor your father and mother. Love your neighbor as 

            yourself.’”

“I’ve obeyed all these commandments,” the young man replied. “What else must I do?”

Jesus told him, “If you want to be perfect, go and sell all your possessions and give the 

money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

But when the young man heard this, he went away sad, for he had many possessions.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “I tell you the truth, it is very hard for a rich person to 

enter the Kingdom of Heaven.  I’ll say it again—it is easier for a camel to go through the 

eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!”

The disciples were astounded. “Then who in the world can be saved?” they asked.

Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with 

God everything is possible.”

Then Peter said to him, “We’ve given up everything to follow you. What will we get?”

Jesus replied, “I assure you that when the world is made new and the Son of Man sits 

upon his glorious throne, you who have been my followers will also sit on twelve thrones, 

judging the twelve tribes of Israel.  And everyone who has given up houses or brothers 

or sisters or father or mother or children or property, for my sake, will receive a hundred 

times as much in return and will inherit eternal life. But many who are the greatest now 

will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the 

greatest then.”

It didn't make too much sense reading it at first, so I googled for a devotional on the verses and then it made much more sense to me in the context of the book.  Food can be a crutch, it can be our riches that we do not want to give up.  With each chapter that I maneuver, I see how faith in God can help with the motivation and endurance needed to make real change in my eating habits (or at times reasons behind the eating habitats like stress, grief, boredom, etc...).  I have a long way to go, but hopefully one of these days I will reach my healthier goal that I set back in November.

#2:  I've been thinking a lot about mom lately.  Somedays are better than others, then some days are still rough at times.  I know that I still have yet to heal and that it will take a long time.  It is not like you can just throw a switch and everything will be alright again.  Sometimes I wonder about what mom would think about the kids.  Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to ask mom's advice about something.  Sometimes I wonder why she did not go to the doctor sooner.  Sometimes I just wonder what life would be like if she was still here.  Sometimes my thoughts are happy and sometimes my thoughts bring tears.  

#3:  When I think about mom, then I worry about dad and what will happen when his day comes.  He is my only parent left and I know that he will lose his battle to cancer too.  I know that that day will come sooner than I like.  I wish that there was a cure for his cancer.  I so wish that cancer just did not exist.  I need to try to get across town more often to visit him.  Sometimes it is hard though to get over there without the kids and they have a tendency to make his anxiety levels go sky high.  I hope that he is around long enough to teach the kids some cool grandpa things. . . like fishing, playing the guitar, cooking a pizza on the grill, making tomato burgers, and the Super Chicken song.

#4:  I'm so exhausted from thinking at times that I just don't want to think.  I just want to zone out . . . lose myself in a book . . . lose myself in a movie. I get tired of feeling responsible for myself, my kids, my hubby, my grandma A, my grandma R, my dad, and sometimes even my baby sister.  No wonder I zone out and stuff my face with food at times.  

#5:  I think I need to probably get off the computer now and find something to clean in this disaster of a house.   The chaos seems to multiple, have babies, then spreads through the whole house.  I probably could clean for weeks and still not catch up.  Hmmmm. . . guess I need to focus and get something accomplished.  I got it, I'll make slips of paper with different rooms in the house of where I should start, draw a slip, and then . . . go to sleep.  Tomorrow is another day and I can start cleaning then.

Three Years

Saying three years really does not seem that long until you figure out that it adds up to 1,096 days or 26,298 hours.  Whoa!  Three years can be a long time at the start, but at the completion you wonder where time flew.  I am glad that the three years are over, but it has been a blessing too.  So what in the world am I talking about?

Well, I guess I should start at the beginning.  I have been raised off and on in the United Methodist Church.  Growing up I would attend church with my grandparents both during the two phases of my life that I lived with them and when I would have overnights at their house growing up.  When mom married husband number two, we moved out to the country and started going to a United Methodist church in the neighboring town where we attend school.  When my half sister was born we became occasionally members going from time to time, then it got to the point of not much at all.  In high school, one of my neighbors invited me to ride with her and her mom to an even closer United Methodist Church- my beloved country church. 

This church, in my heart and soul, will always be my home church.  It had no parking lot, it had no phone, and it had no mailing address.  I attend church there for twelve years and I was married in that church.  I loved the members; they were like extra sets of grandparents to me.  My Sunday school teacher was my rock when the going got tough.  This church was my foundation when at times I felt like my foundation was crumbling.  My beloved country church closed on June 30, 2006.  We only numbered sixteen members that last year.  There are no words to describe that last service as I carried the flame out of the church that day.  I was truly heart broken, although I was glad that my Sunday school teacher did not live to see that day.  I know that a church is not the building it is the people, but it was the last time we would all be together as a congregation.  Everyone spread to different congregations throughout the area.  Three of the sixteen have been buried since then.

Since my church closed we have attended a United Methodist church not far from our home, my grandparent’s church.  Those first three services were the roughest.  I was still heart broken over the loss of my church that I cried through those first few services.  It probably did not help that I was pregnant with Pumpkin at the time.  I really did not want to give another church a chance, I wanted my church back.  Change can be hard.  None of us are ready for change, but it can be good for us too.  Out of something we deem as bad God can create something wonderful, something life changing if we let Him.

So were does the three years come in?  Well hold your horses, I’m getting there.  In August or September 2009, I received a phone call from the church's nominations committee.  The voice on the other end of the line said that they would like for me to serve as a chairperson of one of the committees.  He thought I would be a good fit as the education chairperson or the pastor parish relations committee (pprc) chairperson.  Well I thought to myself, “I haven’t been very active in this church yet, so why not.”  I thought that I had picked the wiser move by saying I would rather be the pprc chairman over the education chairman.  I had served on the pprc at my country church, so I felt confidant that I knew what I was getting myself into.  Hahahaha.  Famous last words!  The voice on the other end of the phone said that it was a three year chairmanship and I would also need to attend the church council meetings too starting January 1, 2010.  I got off the phone thinking I can do this.  Hubby on the other hand was not too pleased with my decision and three year commitment.  But, I definitely think he his happy now that my three years are up.

You know sometimes God has plans for you that you can NEVER imagine.  I do believe that God had a reason for getting me into the mess I ended up being in.  And believe me it was a very rocky road at the beginning.  After I was announced as the chairperson at the fall charge conference, I had people coming up to me telling me that there was no way I could do the job, I wasn’t fit for it, I would never last, I was too young.  Then our pastor at the time had to leave, so a retired pastor was temporarily assigned by the conference until a replacement could be found.  Anyway, my three year term started a touch early.  The conference introduced us to a new pastor and his wife on one of the last evenings of December at a meeting just for the pprc.  I took one look at him and thought to myself, “We are getting Santa Clause for a pastor!”  He was assigned to start on February 1st.

Oh . . . . I could definitely tell when my chairmanship started.  I received at least two phone calls promptly on January 1st from the two most influential members of the church telling me what they thought I should know.  I had to learn fast how to juggle their different personalities of “chicken little” (the sky is falling) and “queen” (all must follow what I say) as they played tug and war back and forth.  You see I have a different perspective than most.  I believe that there are two sides to ever story.  So just what you see on the surface, may not really be what is true.  Of course when I had discussions with both, I would always check my facts before I acted instead of jumping right in.  “Chicken little” was my most daunting obstacle and I learned very quickly to check my caller id and that it was best to respond to an answering machine messages than a live call.  I was even once ambushed at daycare by “chicken little” on a mission.  (Please note: I do have quite a bit of respect for both of these members and they are both an essential part of our church, so I mean no disrespect for the descriptive names.  Both are really wonderful in their own right, both have worked to build up the church, both have done so much for the church, and both remind me of my dear Sunday School teacher.)

Now I did do a lot of good while chairperson of the pprc.  We had to find and reestablish the church’s misplaced mission statement.  We got a personnel policy written.  We got a sexual harassment policy written (as required by the conference).  We wrote a job description for the secretary.  We wrote a job description for the custodian.  We wrote a job description for the grounds keeper.  So I was a good choice to get the committee up to par in the respect of required paperwork.

So where does God come in?  Well I think the chairmanship was God’s way of helping me and supporting me and my family.  Pastor and his wife arrived on February 1st.  Within days Princess turned 1 and Pumpkin turned 3.  I organized both a welcome to the church potluck for the pastor on a Saturday with the kids’ birthday party on the following day.  On February 8th our world seemed to stop spinning at least for a while.  On that day we got the news that mom was terminal with stage four brain and lung cancer.  What a way to break our new pastor in!  He was great.  His wife was great.  It has been a blessing in disguise to be working with them for three years.   He said A LOT of prayers.

After pastor’s arrival in 2010: Pumpkin had his first ear tube surgery, we lost grandpa, we lost mom, my dad’s cancer returned, and my work load at work doubled with responsibility and stress.  In 2011, things evened out a touch but we had to hurdle a lot of firsts without mom and grandpa.  In 2012, we spent a lot of time at the hospital between two seriously ill family members, Pumpkin had his second surgery, and once again my work load at work increased as well as the stress.  Pastor and his wife have been a miracle in disguise.  They have been supportive.  They have been faithful.  They have given of their time and energy.  And they truly care about those in their church family.  They gave us strength when we had none.  They gave prayers to lift us up.

Over the past three years, I have become closer to God than I had in recent years.  I really felt connected during my years at my small country church and through my earlier years of college.  Once my Sunday School teacher past, I began to lose my way again.  Faith can be like a current, sometimes we remain close to our belief and other times we seem to drift away for a while but in the end we are pulled back by the one who loves us, God.  The more involved I seem to get with my church, the stronger my faith seems to grow too.  Although, I do miss having a church buddy, to check in with, to ask questions of, to get support from.

Anyway, I think that the tough times in life are sometimes there to remind us that we are not alone.  To remind us that God loves us.  For how can we enjoy the good, if we have not experienced the bad?  I am not saying that God created the bad, but he gives us the opportunity to choose how we will react to the curves that life throws us.  We have the choice to allow the bad to make us stronger or to allow the bad to destroy us.

I guess that I have rambled on enough.  I will close with the verse that has helped me so much over the past few years. 

Oh, how great are God's riches and wisdom and knowledge!
How impossible it is for us to understand his decision and his way!
~ Romans 11:33 ~

Best Year Of Your Life

Back in the spring I was listening to The Morning Show Tim & Pam on WBGL.  I enjoy listening to their banter in the morning and find it amazing that Christians from all over the world are listening in.  Anyway they were talking about a European study that had recently come out.  The gist of the study was that people felt the happiest and most content at the age of thirty-three.  This study actually upset me quite a bit and there were times over the next few days when it was discussed that it was tempted to turn the show off.

I do understand why in most peoples’ lives this might be true.  Most people in their early thirties have figured out what they are doing with their life.  Most people in their thirties have found a significant other and are enjoying their children.  Most people in their thirties have managed to pay off their college loans.  Most people in their thirties have matured enough to enjoy life.

To me age thirty-three was one of the worst years of my life.  On my thirty-third birthday, I took my then 18 month old daughter and 3-1/2 year old son to the funeral home to say goodbye to my mom, their grandma.  She past a few days before my birthday from stage four brain & lung cancer and was buried the day after my birthday.  Losing a parent tears you up.  I had trying to take care my young children, husband, maternal grandma, sister, and dad as a distraction during my thirty-third year. 

I remember not crying at the funeral, which I think horrified my brother.  But, I had learned over the years that if I cried in front of grandma or my sister when the going got tough that they would also break down in tears.   So years ago, I taught myself to not cry in front of them because I felt like the glue that kept us together. 

Don’t get me wrong, I cried and cried the day my mom died.  Grandma and I were the only ones at grandma house when mom died and I was the one that had discovered that she quit breathing.  It was me that tried to find a pulse.  It was me that called the hospice nurse, our pastor, my husband, my brother, and others.  I cried when pastor recited the 23rd Psalms over mom’s body.  I was also the one that told my step-dad and my sister when they walked into the house to see mom, only find out that they were too late.  It was like déjà vu since we had just buried my maternal grandpa the month before.  So we once again went through the motions at the funeral home and cemetery. 

That first month just feels like a horrible dream and the world seems to just zoom by while you are stuck in place and can’t move.  But of course you have to move, you have to go on with life.  You can’t hole yourself up for ever.  The hardest part of that first year with my mom’s death was holidays, mom’s birthday a few months later, and my kids birthdays were the worst.  Many things helped me through. . . . my hubby, my kids, a few good friends, my faith, and reading. 

Faith-wise I believe: 1) That God does not give us more than we can handle and what he does give us makes us stronger, 2) That God has a reason for everything even if we cannot see it and even the bad can become something good in the end, and 3) That God is walking with us every step of the way even if we lose faith in Him.  The verse that helped me the most was “Oh, how great are God's riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decision and his way!” ~ Romans 11:33 (NLT)

Book-wise:  The fictional book that helped me the most is called The Good Nearby by NancyMoser.  I found this book at the local library and hope that someday I can add it to my home library.  It illustrates how God can use things we would think are bad and undesirable to bring out the good in way we may never expect.  It also illustrates how over lives are so interconnected even with those that we deem as strangers.  I recommend this book to anyone going through a rough patch in life or anyone that needs a faith pick-me-up. 

Anyway, a few months after my mom’s death I had manage to maintain a new normal in my life.  I was trying to loose some of the pounds I gained during the eight months my mom was sick.  I am a stress-eater and so I had gained a bit of weight.    

A few weeks after my mom died a friend emailed me that her five year old daughter had leukemia.  She was diagnosis the day that we learned that my mom had about two weeks to live.  I had known this little girl since she was two and it broke my heart again.  This precious little one that is dear to my heart was sick, but that is the thing with cancer it does not care about age, race, or whether you are good or bad person.  Thankfully that wonderful inspiring little girl is in remission and is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with regards to treatments.  Yay to her and her strong enduring family!

So three months after my mom died, between Christmas and New Year’s, we were learned that my dad’s multiple myeloma had returned.  Well within a week, I had gained back all that I had lost, after all I had lost my mom three months before and was now faced with losing my dad too.  Anyway, multiple myeloma is a type of bone cancer.  It can cause brittle bones.  There is no permanent cure for it, only maintenance treatments that can temporarily put it into remission or can slow the progress of the cancer.  This past April dad had his second bone marrow transplant and his doctor said that it is in remission for now.  As of right now it is rare to have third bone marrow transplants for his type of cancer.   The thing with multiple myeloma is that it weakens the body and makes it more susceptible to other cancers, so if the multiple myeloma does not get him another cancer will.  The last bone marrow transplant bought him five years, so we will see how long the current one holds.  Oh, and I have yet to lose the weight and have even gained more pounds through dad’s and my paternal grandma’s many hospitalizations earlier this year.

Anyway, I felt like I lost a year, my thirty-third year.  I could not remember how old I was or sometimes how old my kids were.  I would sometime walk into a room and forget why I was there or what I was doing.  I am finally two years later remembering how old I am and I am doing better remembering things.  So I guess to wrap it up my thirty-third year was not the best year of my life.  But life is what you make of it, so we will keep our chins up and trudge on the best we can with what we have.

Save The Date

Two weekends ago I finished reading a book from the local library.  Once again I just browsed the aisles for something that jumped out at me.  This time I decided to walk down the letter "J" aisle.  The book I found as Save the Date by Jenny B. Jones.  It sure was fitting for this time of the year, because one of the characters is a gentleman running for a seat in Congress.  

I really enjoyed reading this book.  The main female character is Lucy.  She runs a non-profit women's home for young women that have graduated from the foster system but still need a bit of help before they step out on their own.  The book starts out with Lucy getting ready to have dinner with the love of her life and she has very high expectations.  Then the story jumps to two years later.  Lucy is on her own and on a mission to save her beloved women's home from ruin.  After funding for her non-profit is pulled she makes an attempt to storm the castle during a gala to get answers to why.  She is intercepted by a former professional football star, son of the funding company's CEO, and potential congressman Alex. 

Alex's numbers are down in the race for Congress, but after some pictures appear from the gala event with Lucy his numbers start to rise.  Thus a plan is hatched, to increase his likability to the public Alex's campaign managers suggest that he needs a women by his side.  Lucy on the other hand needs funding to save her women's home.  So the two strike a deal for a fake engagement until after the congressional seat was won.  So what will really happen?  How will the story end?

I had quite a few laughs and there are a few unexpected turns along the way.  How can the daughter of a maid fit into high class society?  How can a self-centered jock portray a sensitive side to the public?  

This story also has a spiritual side too.  One of the supporting characters is a youth minister and there is an amazing few paragraphs featuring a sermon.  The sermon is about giving our worries, our weaknesses, our flaws to God because no matter what we are perfect to him.  We are worth of him and his love.  Always a nice reminder.  

Another spiritual aspect is that everything is in God's time not our time.  We may think that our life is crap and that nothing can go right, but He does have a reason and purpose.  He makes us stronger, wiser, and He does answer prayers (although it may not always be the answer we expect).  

Here are some verses on God's timing: 

 ~ "But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day." 2 Peter 3:8

~ "There is a time for everything,  

and a season for every activity under the heavens:  

a time to be born and a time to die,  

a time to plant and a time to uproot, 

a time to kill and a time to heal,  

a time to tear down and a time to build,  

a time to weep and a time to laugh,  

a time to mourn and a time to dance,  

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,  

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,  

a time to search and a time to give up,  

a time to keep and a time to throw away,  

a time to tear and a time to mend,  

a time to be silent and a time to speak,  

a time to love and a time to hate,  

a time for war and a time for peace." 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Foggy Love

Yesterday morning the fog was as thick as soup.  In our modern world we have a love-hate relationship with fog.  Fog can be dangerous to travel through, but in the same sense it is so beautiful. 

Yesterday morning as I drove down foggy country roads, I kept a vigilant eye for white-tailed deer.  I could not see anything farther than twelve feet in front of me or twelve feet behind me.  What an amazing feeling washed over me, it was like time stood still and I was the only one that existed.  My worries temporarily disappeared and I felt refreshed while surrounded by the white blanket of clouds.  It was a relaxing feeling and in that moment the fog was so beautiful.  Thank you to God for this amazing gift and blessing me with the eyes to take this wondrous site in!

This morning as I traveled along those country roads once again the fog was no where to be seen, but as I past a natural area I saw a misty haze.  Thankfully I had my camera.  Enjoy the pictures!

“We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!”  1 Corinthians 13:12 (The Message)

Time to Read

The summer reading program has started at our local library.  Pumpkin, Princess and I are participating this summer.  Maybe we can get daddy to join in too! 

This summer’s theme is “A Midsummer Knight’s Read.”  Our local library is recommending that we should learn more about William Shakespeare, King Arthur and the Dark Ages.

I have just finished reading my first adult book Crossroads by Nancy Moser.  It was definitely an intriguing book.  The main character, Madeline, is an eighty plus year old woman with spunk, determination and spirit.  In a modern day version of the Great Land Rush, her plans are to revitalize her dying town with a free land & house giveaway evoking the pioneer spirit and hoping to save her town’s centennial celebration.  You can find tidbits of everyone you know woven among the many characters in the book.  It is an amazing book about determination, love, faith, and the pioneer spirit that draws you into the book in suspense of what may happen next.  It also brings small town American home.  This book plays with the exodus of people moving from small rural towns to large cities by reversing the roles.  What would happen if people started moved from the large cities back into the small towns?  I for one miss living in the country and the connectedness of the small town where I attended school. 

I became introduced to Nancy Moser’s books by chance in January 2010 as I was browsing the adult fiction section.  I picked up a book called The Good Nearby.  God works in amazing ways; I finished reading that book a week before my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.  I found the Bible verse (Romans 11:33) that has helped me through the past 18 months contained within its pages.  The book illustrates, through quite a few characters, that we are all connected and that even though we cannot see it God does have a reason for everything, a good for everything.  Other Nancy Moser books that I have read since my first introduction are Washington’s Lady, How Do I Love Thee, Just Jane, Mozart’s Sister, The Sister Circle, ‘Round The Corner, An Undivided Heart, and  A Place To Belong. 

The next book waiting in the wings is a book that has been transformed into a movie:  Letters To Juliet by Lise Friedman & Ceil Friedman.  I have yet to see the movie, but I think it would be interesting to watch it after I have finished the book.

My Favorite Holiday

Easter season has almost come to a close.  So I thought that I would delve on my favorite holiday.  You are probably thinking at this point that Easter is my favorite holiday.  In a way it is part of my favorite holiday.  My favorite holiday is actually the non-commercialized holiday of Maundy Thursday.  It is one of those religious holidays that are not celebrated with much fanfare, but to me it is amazing and unique.

Trillium reminds me of the Trinity- God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit

What is Maundy Thursday?  It is the day that commemorates the Last Supper.  Even though Jesus knew what lay ahead of him, He took the time to commune with His disciples.  He showed them how much He and his Father loved them and loved us.  As an expression of that love, He taught the disciples what we now call communion.  Isn’t God amazing!

One of my favorite Maundy Thursday memories was from my old country church.  It was the last Maundy Thursday service before the church closed, so it would fell on the evening of April 13, 2006.  Instead of having the service in the sanctuary, it was held in the basement (which was small by most church standards).  There were four tables set-up in a “u” shape.  We ate by candlelight and we were served several courses of foods that may have been typical during the Passover.  I remember that we ate bitter herbs, unleavened bread, and grape juice.  I think there may have been a few other items, but they escape me at this point.  We ate a solemn meal with each course being presented one at a time with the meaning of what that course represented.  At the end our pastor led us through Holy Communion and we partook of the bread and cup.  To me experiencing what the Last Supper may have been like gave me a new perspective on the sacrifice of Jesus, God’s amazing love, and humanized the disciples. 

One day I hope for pumpkin and princess to experience this amazing holiday for themselves.  It will be several years down the road, but I look forward to the time they can stay up to experience a Maundy Thursday service.  Until then we will celebrate the true meaning of Easter as well as tradition of the Easter Bunny.

Pumpkin is looking forward to the Easter Bunny’s arrival and princess on the other hand has not quite caught on yet.  Pumpkin cleaned his room this morning, since the Easter Bunny only leaves treats for children with clean rooms.  Then I allowed him first choice of the two handmade Easter baskets that I made for my little ones.  Pumpkin choose the lighter of the two baskets, so princess will get the darker basket.  We will place pumpkin and princess’s Easter baskets on a table in our sun room this evening and then all go to bed in hopes that the elusive Easter Bunny will drop in and leave a few treats while we sleep.

God is Great!  My wish for all who read this post is a Happy & Safe Easter Weekend! 

Rough Patches

Oh, how great are God's riches and wisdom and knowledge!
How impossible it is for us to understand his decision and his way!
~Romans 11:33

This has been a really rough week for me.  Life always has its ups and downs but this week has felt like a hailstorm.  I have to trust that God knows what he is doing and that I will make it through to more joyous times.  

Tuesday was the roughest day for me.  I attended the graveside services of a dear, dear lady.  I thought a lot of her and was sad to see her go, but it is a blessing that she lead a full and long life.  The service was in the same cemetery that my mom and grandpa are buried in.  I made it through pretty well.  The hardest part of the service for me was when the 23 Psalms was recited.  The last time I had heard those words was the day my mom died.  I was the one that had discovered that mom had past on and no matter how hard I tried to find a pulse or listen for a breath, it didn't come.  I called our pastor and he, his wife, grandma and I waited together for the hospice nurse to arrive to call the coroner.  As we waited, pastor had us gather around mom and he read the 23 Psalms.  I had always found comfort in those verses, but now it has a different meaning and for the time being is very hard to bear.  I'm sure with time, those words will once again provide comfort and support instead of sadness and tears.

Then early Tuesday evening, I went to the funeral home for the visitation of a wonderful gentleman that I once attend church with.  Of course, it was the same funeral home that took care of my mom and grandpa's funerals.  This particular funeral home has two rooms for their services.  I figured it would probably be in the room that grandpa had been in 6 months ago and I thought I could handle that.  But, it ended up being in the same room that mom had been in 4 1/2 months earlier.  I almost bolted from the funeral home.  It is really hard to face something that you are still coming to terms with.  I know that mom is gone and in a better place, but I do not want to relive any part of this life change event.  But because I thought so much of this wonderful gentleman, I did pay my final respects.  Of course, it was done with tears and I could only stay in the funeral home for about ten minutes.  I'm sure that God was with me the whole time, but I'm not sure that I was strong enough to face these hurdles so soon.

Finally, right before bed time on Tuesday, I received a phone call that my dad had been admitted to the hospital two hours away.  He had been undergoing out patient pheresis in preparation for a bone marrow transplant later this year, for multiple myeloma, and encountered a glitch.  They thought it could be a possible blood clot, by Wednesday afternoon the blood clot had been ruled out.  I guess the current hypothesis maybe the medication that he was receiving.  He is hoping to be released sometime tomorrow, so he can come back home. 

Not to out do everything else this week, one year ago yesterday was when mom was diagnosed with multiple brain tumors.  Of course, a few weeks later was when we learned she had stage 4 cancer of the brain and lungs.  So for the past year my world has been turned upside down and I'm still waiting for it to turn itself back around.  I'm still working on trying to find the new normal in life as is everyone else in the family.

Being the oldest, I always feel like I have to take care of everyone else in the family.  I have to be the strong one.  Some days, I think being the oldest really sucks.  Being a mom with little kids does not lend much time to dwell on the events of the last year, but I do find that letting my thoughts out helps me to heal.  It's funny when mom was so sick, I did not want to go to bed because I did not want another day to be gone.  Since she has past, I do not always want to go to bed because that is when my mind has free time to think and time to miss those whom have gone on before.

I have some suggestions on how to deal with someone whom has a loved one with cancer, life threatening illness or has had a love one that has past away:

1) Just listen. Don't probe for answers. They will talk in their own time and in their own way.
2) Don't ask "Is there anything I can do?" The first thing that pops into the head is "Yes. Cure my mom's cancer." or "Yes. Bring my mom back."
3) Just do. Send a card, drop by for a visit or grab a bite to eat together, volunteer to help out- but be specific (babysitting, cook a meal, etc...). Most often the person doesn't know what they need or when they may need it.

4) Don't give THE LOOK. Those sad, you poor thing eyes. No one wants to be pitied or treated any differently than anyone else.
5) Just pray.  Let them know you support them, are thinking of them, and pray for them and their loved ones.

Well that about wraps up it for the evening.  The two things that keep me going are 1) God never gives us more than we can handle and 2) God has a reason for everything even if we cannot see it right now.  Tomorrow is another day and right now life is about taking one day at a time, the rest will figure itself out later.