I cannot believe that it has been three years. It just seems like yesterday. Some days are good and some days are bad. Sometimes the littlest things remind me of you. . . puppy chow muddy buddies, snowmen, zucchini bread, just to name a few. Sometimes I am good with it and other times the memories bring tears to my eyes. Even though you are gone, you are still remembered by treasures and mementos that have been tucked away. Grandma has been sharing old pictures with us from when we were all little kids.
Speaking of kids, you would not believe how my kids have changed and grown. Pumpkin is in first grade now. He likes sharks and a game called Angry Birds. He is a lot like brother. I wish I could ask how you handled different situations when we were little. Princess has changed so much since she was 18 months old. She is so talkative that she would blow your socks off. It is hard to imagine that she will be in kindergarten next year. She is very smart and wears glasses like her mama.
Grandma is doing good. We take care of each other. She is my second mom now. Grandma still keeps busy with quilting and takes Pumpkin to and from school. The garden is only about 1/3 of the size that it was when you and grandpa were still with us. Grandpa's rose bed is still doing well, at least when the deer are not using it as a cafe.
Sister and step dad still feel your loss the most. I wish I knew at times what to say to sister. We help her the best we can, but there is no way that we can fill the void and pain of your absence. She had been through so much since you left and I am not equipped with the right knowledge or experiences to really help her find her way again. I wish that you were here to help. Step dad is still having a hard time. Occasionally I see him at church or at grandma's, but he will not join us for meals or holidays. He had a roommate for a while, but the gentleman passed of heart problems this pass spring. Hopefully with time he will recover.
There is so much I wish that I could ask you and talk to you about. I wish that you would of went to the doctor years ago, maybe just maybe you would of still been with us. I wish that you would of been able to retire and enjoy life after work. I wish that cancer would not of won. I wish that you could see your newest grandchild. I wish that you could hug and play with all of your grandkids. I wish that I could have one last hug. I miss you mom.
Love you forever,
Me
I'm so sorry your mom is gone. It must be hard not to have her see the kids grow up. Your post reminds me to tolerate my own mom more, who sometimes gets on my nerves. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jen. My mom got on my nerves at times too. I think every mother-daughter relationship has that give and take somewhere along the journey. In retrospect, I wish that I would of spent more time with her the last few years she was alive and took more pictures. I took the gift of having a mother in my life for granted and even after she got sick I never lost hope that she would recover even though the odds were definitely against her. Life never quite turns out the way that you expect it to, but we have to have adapt and move on to survive.
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